Defining the purpose of your life
For years I have had the question: What is the purpose of my life? Is it to go to work, go back home, do the chores, be with your family and then repeat? How do you know that you are living in your purpose?
I had no answers. The more I thought about those questions the more confused I was! I started to read, watched videos, and went to events including Tony Robbins “Day with Destiny” in 2017. I finally got my answer and was able to define my purpose and start living by it.
There were three things that helped me define my purpose: my needs, my beliefs and my values. All these three components make part of your blueprint to happiness and fulfilment.
Identifying your blueprint to happiness.
Everybody has internal expectations and/or of things they want or need to feel happy. If your life is meeting those expectations you feel happy. Contrary, if your life does not meet those expectations you feel unhappy. Ask yourself: what do I need to be happy?
Allow yourself to bring forward everything you have in your mind that you think will make you happy. Once you think they are all written down, ask yourself, what else do I need to be happy? Continue this process until there is nothing else you can write. When I asked myself that question over and over I came up with a BIG list that I did not know I had. I wanted wonderful mom, spouse, daughter and professional. I wanted to be an example of integrity, love, health success and standards. I wanted my children to be well behaved and listen all the time. I wanted my husband not to travel that much. Moreover that he would call me several times a day, and he completely understands what I need. This was only half of the list! As I finished my reflection, I realised most of my points were out of my control. Most of them were expectations about how others need to behave so that I could be happy. At that time, I concluded I need to simplify my blueprint to happiness!
A belief is something that you are certain of. Beliefs can be empowering or limiting. Empowering beliefs are those that help you take action and be the best version of yourself. Limiting beliefs, are those beliefs that make you feel doubt, bring you stress, fear or anxiety. We adopt most of our beliefs in early stages of our childhood. We also inherit beliefs from our culture or define new beliefs based on our experiences. We are not conscious of all our beliefs, but they are working as a filter to make decisions in our daily life. For this reason, it is important to identify them and override them with new empowering ones.
Values as emotional states that you either want to experience more (towards values) or avoid at every cost (away values). People will do more to avoid pain than to experience pleasure. It is important to understand what are our toward and away values and if there is any conflict between them. Let’s consider that one of your top values is “success” and two of your top away values are “rejection” and “failure”. In this case, you may experience internal conflict. On the one hand, you want to achieve more, but on the other, you limit your actions to avoid feeling rejected or fail. In other words, you are limiting your possibilities of success.
Working on these three components allowed me to define a vision and the purpose of my life. I present it to you!
What I learned from defining my purpose:
- Your purpose does not have to be something big and external that you must achieve. Your purpose is something that you want to experience every day and that would help remind you what is really important to you in life.
- Your purpose is made up of three things: a) how you want to be, show up in life b) what you want to enjoy c) what you want to do for yourself and others.